The King of Games Sits on a Throne of Lies
by ElsaBlasters
Summary: Yugi, Yami, Marik, and Bakura go on a double date. Yami/Yugi, Marik/Bakura, those four x Dark Magician, slightly. Crack, One Shot


**I give credit for my friend (who wrote the last Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfiction I posted) and to my brother (I swear it was him who wrote the ending!). I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! of course.**

 **Warning, this fanfiction contains a 9/11 reference for some reason. If you are sensitive to that, don't read this.**

"WE'RE GONNA BE LATE!" Yami yelled, shaking a sleeping Yugi forcefully; so forcefully, it's a miracle Yugi didn't get whiplash. "Late for what?" Yugi replied sleepily, refusing to move from the sitting position Yami pulled him into. "Late for the double date! Remember? The one we planned with Marik and Bakura?!" "Heh, you rhymed," Yugi mumbled along with other incomprehensible words. Ignoring Yugi's prattle, Yami picked him up piggy-back style, and flew to a fancy diner that was conveniently located near the house that they were staying; they broke into and it claimed as their territory for a few nights. Yami landed by the entrance of the restaurant and let Yugi off. Yugi was fully awake now, and excitedly flung open the front door, whacking Mai, the current owner of the restaurant, and breaking her spine. Yugi shrugged and stated, "she'll be fine," and Yami nodded and thanked Yugi for opening the door. They immediately spotted Bakura and Marik sword fighting with the silverware. The two ran over to their table, but their greetings were drowned out by loud yelling coming from the bar area. "Y-Ya think ya can take me on do ya? I…. I could beat up… I can… you're… YOU'RE DEAD TO ME, YOU ALL ARE!" It was Timaeus, getting huffy with his "imaginary friend". At least that's what everyone thought it was, but no one really knew. "I- I'M… wha… oh yeah, I'M LEAVING DON'T TRY TO STOP ME YOU… unnngh... Slifer slackers…" Timaeus stood up and staggered over to the window. After attempting to open it, he rammed his head against the glass with all his might, and fell unconscious without even breaking the window. "NO!" screamed Critias, who was previously resting his head in a puddle of beer and sobbing. Critias ran over to Timaeus's unmoving body and cried while hugging him close to his body. "I-I could have made you happy…" Critias whispered. While this was going on, Hermos was attempting to ride one of the harpie lady waitresses like a bull. Yami, Yugi, Marik, and Bakura stared at the commotion until being stirred by one of the harpie waitresses. Bakura slammed his hands on the table and proclaimed, "Give me one of everything!" "You go girl!" cheered Marik. "Um, we'll just have what he's having," stated Yami. The harpie lady cawed in response and flew away to the kitchen. "Hey Yami," Yugi said, "What's the Dark Magician doing over there?"

Yugi pointed his finger at the Dark Magician who was standing in a corner. The Dark Magician made a cup of coffee with the machine on the table to his right and set the cup upside down, letting all the coffee pour onto the table and floor. He turned to the corner opposite of his and glared at it with such ferocity, it appeared the Dark Magician would like nothing more than to pound the corner's smug little face into dust. Yugi got up and walked over to his favorite card with Yami following close behind. Yep! It was his favorite and he wasn't ashamed to admit it; not even in front of the other cards. Yami waved his hand in front of the Dark Magician's face to try and get his attention, but it was to no avail. Yami kissed both of the Dark Magician's cheeks, but gave up after. "I wanna try!" Yugi exclaimed. "Umm… a little help?" Yami picked Yugi up so he could look the spellcaster in the eyes. Yugi gave the magician a quick peck on the lips, but sighed when the Dark Magician continued to ignore him. Yami chuckled and ruffled his hair. By this time, Bakura and Marik had made their way over to the others out of curiosity. "You're doing it wrong," Bakura commented calmly, "here." He walked over to the dark magician and put his hands on his face. "Baby, look at me," Bakura said flirtatiously. The Dark Magician looked at him reluctantly but still didn't do anything when Bakura kissed him. Marik whined. How come the Dark Magician got more attention from Bakura than he did? "I could do better," Marik decided. He moved Bakura out of the way and stood in front of the Dark Magician, eyeing him down. The Dark Magician had now returned his focus to the dastardly corner; so dusty, so hateful! Marik lunged out at him pulling the Dark Magician into a deep kiss. Unlike the other attempts, the Dark Magician consented fully. He closed his eyes and returned Marik's kiss. "That's hardly fair…" Bakura murmured dejectedly. "Yeah, I wish the Dark Magician liked _me_ that much. I guess he likes it when they're more direct," Yugi replied. Yami, wanting to please his boyfriend with the gift of a Dark Magician, took Marik off of the Dark Magician and threw him onto Bakura. Yugi then kicked Marik in the shin forcefully, "That's for stealing my second man," Yugi grunted, doing his best Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonation. They went back to the table; Marik and Bakura sat on one side while on the other side, Yugi sat between Yami and the Dark Magician. By this time, the table was covered with food from their orders along with a harpie lady having a seizure. "She'll be fine," Yugi assured everyone, "Someone will find her eventually and take her to a hospital, just like with Mai, right Yami?" "Exactly," Yami replied. "What now?" Bakura asked, looking at Marik, who was shoving anything bread related into his mouth. Marik shrugged in response, but then gasped as he uncovered a salty tablet from the bowels of the food pile. The salty tablet read, "The world will end on February 14, 2016, but don't tell my wife!" When Marik read it aloud, the group was teleported into a giant empty room. They all had duel disks on along with random decks. "I have an idea!" Yugi chirped. "Are we going to duel?" Yami asked, but Yugi shook his head. "Even better! We're going to play strip duel monsters!" "Don't we lose clothes when we lose life points or something?" Bakura asked. "Yep!" Yugi responded. "But… I don't want to wait that long!" complained Bakura. He walked over to Marik and began to remove Marik's clothes. Marik did the same to him. "That's not how you-" Yugi began. He forgot what he was saying as he turned to look at Yami who had already removed his pants. "It looked like fun!" Yami chuckled heartily, "Look, even the Dark Magician is joining us!" It was true; the Dark Magician was removing his helmet along with his robes. "Well, I guess we're just going to play regular duel monsters, but naked," Yugi sighed. After they all got naked, they decided it would be a free-for-all and they would "fire at will". Yami started by playing the card Kaibaman, even though it sucks. "I counter it," Bakura interjected, "with Joeyman!" "Um, that's not actually a card," Marik said. "I DON'T CARE!" Bakura growled, "Joeyman! Go make out with Kaibaman!" Joeyman, somehow existing, did as he was told, although it caused both monsters to be destroyed. The Dark Magician was about to play a card, when suddenly there was a light and a crash through the ceiling. It was the Egyptian God, Ra, wearing a red white and blue leotard with the word "POWER" in sparkly pink letters on the buttock region. The leotard appeared to be a few sizes too small. He struck a pose and roared, "WHO'S READY TO PARTAAAAAAYY…?" He glances around the room at all the nude duelists looking up at him in admiration. He stayed silent for a minute before breaking the silence, "whoops, wrong dimension." He vanished with a blinding flash of bright green light. "So if there aren't any more interruptions-" Marik started before getting cut off by the sound of a door opening. In the doorway stood Mokuba, looking horrified at the scene before him. He shuddered, took a few steps back, ran full speed into the hallway while screaming, "BROTHER!" Gunshots soon followed his shouts. The group looked at each other and shouted simultaneously, "I SUMMON KURIBOH!"

The room became flooded with over a million incredibly vocal kuribohs all trying to tell their tales heroism and how much they hate their lives. "We're being smothered by giant hairy balls, HELP!" shouted Yugi, hoping someone would hear. A group of twenty shady kuribohs dragged the group to a dark alley. One motioned them to come closer. They all did as the kuriboh told them to. The various kuribohs began to make themselves comfortable; maybe a little _too_ comfortable, for one began to smoke a joint and another began to tattoo itself. One kuriboh investigated his surroundings thoroughly before lifting up his fuzz to reveal snack pack bags filled with cocaine taped to his body. Another kuriboh took out a knife. It pointed to the bags of cocaine, then to Yugi, then across it's body trying to tell them that if they took the drugs, they'd die. The kuribohs obviously wanted some form of payment, and it was sure that they weren't going to let Yugi and his friends just leave; they might tell the cops! But that wasn't the real issue with what was about to happen.

Serenity sat in the cockpit of a crowded airplane. She smirked as the plane's altitude lowered. Just as planned, she thought. She had already dealt with anyone keeping her from doing her duty, so all there was to do was to fly to her destination. On board, no one seemed to notice anything wrong with their flight, but there was something wrong indeed, something horribly wrong. Before she crashed into the tower, Serenity wanted to make sure everyone saw her face. She was now close enough to the ground for someone to see and she knew they were watching. "Is that… SERENITY?!" Yugi exclaimed. Everyone, including the kuribohs, looked up at the plane hurtling towards the giant tower only a few buildings away. "I'm not Serenity," Serenity muttered, laughing evilly. She grabbed her face and tore it off, revealing a bearded man in a turban; Bin Laden!

The crowd gasped and stared at the new Serenity and she laughed even harder. "Fooled you!" she yelled between laughs. Once again, she ripped off her face to reveal… Bush! By this time everyone saw their unavoidable deaths. "I love you man," Marik admitted. "I love you too!" Bakura exclaimed, and they took each other into their arms. Yami and Yugi embraced the Dark Magician while holding hands with each other. Serenity rammed into the tower, causing flames to rise and debris to fall. They all waited to die, but they were miraculously spared. Ra appeared below the familiar duelists (who were still naked) and protected them with an invisible shield, although the kuribohs weren't so lucky. Ra teleported them all to a public beach to evade death a little while longer, but they were about to be arrested for public nudity. Ra decided he wanted to keep them around, so, to avoid the police, he teleported them all to a plaid dimension where they partied.

Then End.


End file.
